The Man.

Bapak, I love you more than world itself.

Sure, we never say it out loud to each other before. Sure, the last time we hugged was when I was still in diapers and the closest to embrace we ever had after that was whenever we salam on the first day of Raya Aidil Fitri when I lean in to kiss your forehead, a custom in Sarawak. Sure, the closest to 'I love you' I've ever gotten from you was, "Take care, jangan lupa semayang," after each phone call.

I guess among the many lessons you taught me in life is to not say those three words in vain. I never have and I don't plan to start anytime soon.

So -

Bapak, I love you. Happy Father's Day.

P.s. Jangan hantar kamek ke Kimanis okay?

To each his own.

Vicki : Ahh. Remember that this is your..?
Me : Life!
Vicki : And..?
Me : Enjoy?
Vicki : No. Annnd..?
Me: Err have fun..?
Vicki : AND IT'S YOUR DECISION LAH. But I like the way you think.

Tuesday, I'm confused.

Fathy, sambil rokok, sandar tepi benteng tepi jalan, tanya, "You masih muda lagi kan?"

Baru lepas makan. Tengah minta pandangan.

Hisap rokok, sambung cakap, "Dia macam ni. Kalau you dah 35 tahun, lepas tu tak kahwin kahwin lagi, takkan you kahwin je siapa-siapa just because you tak kahwin lagi."

"Eh, I kalau dah 35 tahun tak kahwin lagi, I kahwin je dengan siapa yang ajak I kahwin time tu!" Melawak. Degil! Biasa lah. Terus doa dalam hati nak kahwin cepat. Cepat ni maksudnya tak lah 35 tahun lambat. Ke 30. Ke 28. Ke.. 2- Cepat cepat doa lagi!

Fathy gelak, tangan sebelah masih hisap rokok, sebelah lagi dalam poket - sambung balik cakap, "Kerja sama macam ni jugak lah."

Mulut diam tapi jantung macam nak melompat keluar lari tinggalkan badan naik LRT beli tiket to Land of Starbrightia -

Tiba-tiba Fox tanya, "Siapa nak kahwin?"

-

I had my first over-the-phone informal interview the other day and the guy spoke to me in Bahasa Malaysia baku, seeing that he's a Sabahan.

I gotta say, it's not that I'm not fluent in Bahasa, I am! But the Sarawakian in me struggled to not speak in Bahasa KL - it was either that or my mother's tounge (local dialect) or my father's tounge (English). #kidding #dontpunchme

So I started BM-ising English words - Graduasi (which is correct) and later after that (get ready for it) Konvokasi. Whaaaaaaaat. It's Konvokesyen lah doink!

"Oh belum KONVO lagi," said the interviewer.

#facepalm #slapself #jumpoverthecliff #sitinacarwithengineonforhours #buyrazor #writesuicidenote #justfreakingdiealready

ASHA BAH!

Embarassing! And I can feel my 17 year old self kicking myself in the ass every time I said Saye instead of Saya.

After some epic battle in my head scrambling hard to say 'internship' in Bahasa (internsi?) I just continued the rest of the interview in English.

Should've just done that sooner!

The very best from a crappy Thursday.

"Kalau macam tu aku tak payah keluar cari jodoh, aku duduk dekat rumah je tiba-tiba Nazrul termimpi aku dan terus gegas rempuh masuk rumah aku dan nak kawen." Nad did not fail in making me laugh yesterday. She's also getting married next year!

-

"Wtf ada org komen jangan tinggal solat on my Facebook photo. Party pooper." Uzair, who's all the way in New York, on Whatsapp. -_-'

"Jaga dirik. Don't get STD." Me, half-joking to Uzair. Heh heh!

-

"Hitam, hitam, jangan sebut kuat-kuat woh," said Fatin.

Only made me want to shout it out louder and I did exactly that, "HITAAAMMMMMMMM!"

Two seconds of silence.

Then a reply from the other end of the line, "SEPETTTTTTTT!"

Just for the record, we were kidding. Hitam ke sepet ke. Cantik jugak. Exhibit A: Us. (Mwah ha ha har)

-

I don't care what you have to say about your Blackberry being better than iPhone. Save your arguments to yourself. I love my iPhone!

"iPhone apa? iPhone biasa ke iPhone 4?" Kata Jali some time ago when I first mentioned about buying an iPhone.

"Hoiiiiiii!!" Protes si pengguna iPhone 3GS, or according to Jali, iPhone biasa.

Ha ha. Selamat Jumaat. Moga by Sunday I'm going to look less like a raccoon and more like myself (a silly baffoon?). Now, let's get on with my packing.

A Star in need.

I am not everyone's pick.

I am not overweight, nor am I the perfect build.

I don't wear hijab - so I kalah in that category. But there are thousands and thousands of prettier hijabless girls here. Pssh, KL! So I kalah in that category too.

My posture is terrible in photos taken from an angle, something I developed in secondary school. I'd like to think my long hair does a good job in covering my slouched shoulders.

You know you mean something to me,

if I make time for you,

if I had gone out of the way to help you,

if I willingly let my ego bruised for you.

If there is one thing I take after my father, it's that - my mountains of ego. I am, after all, my father's daughter.

I am the girl you'd share a dirty joke you just heard from another friend with. Also the same person you'd turn to for advices regarding anything, especially when it comes to feelings - I am that friend.

But I hardly take my own advice. I'm hard-headed (hah!). I want what I think I know I need.

I am that friend who is protective over my own friends. I am most judgmental because of it but I make an exception for my former boyfriend's new lady friend, simply because I trust his judgment. And he has not given me any reasons not to. I don't care whether he'll be okay with this but I really do believe she is lucky to have him as her first boyfriend. I've trained you well, my young Padawan!

I laugh the loudest most of the time, because of a combination of several things - it's that hilarious, it comes naturally and I was happy. Sometimes I laugh when I'm not so happy to convince myself that I am. When I know very well that I'm bothered. And that is sad.

There is a guitar in my room now. I'm not that good, but I am better than many of those strumming chicks on Youtube.

I think I'm weird in a normal way. I wish I am special, all the time. "I want a perfect body, I want a perfect soul."

For fun, I skip instead of walk sometimes. When I'm alone. Even when there are other people. Come to think of it, I did that in the office a few times. But especially at home.

Lately, I have been slowly clearing some space in my computer, in my blog (by adding more to another blog?).

Funny story - I started blogging to share nonsensical things with friends - feelings, food, music. I still do but after some time, I realise I'm more motivated to blog when I'm really happy and even more when I'm sad. But mostly, I blog to remind myself whatever happens in the future, I can be sure that that took place.

I blog about the conversations I have with people all the time mainly because I'm forgetful and I think those conversations are worthy of a revisit from future me. Wait, that wasn't funny at all.

True story - I have not been loyal to this blog.

I'm 23 years and 5 months old and I think about the M word. Not because I want to get M-ed now (can't even say the whole word). Not because of peer pressure, definitely not because of aunts I meet at weddings who try to matchmake me with their sons (seriously?). But because.. I want someone for life. Ugh. Shoot me now.

I like.. A lot of things. Not in order - Ferrero Rocher, sci-fi movies, staying in doing nothing with a special company, Milo ice cream (20 sen!), a warm hug from a dear friend, how my locks look like the day after I got a hairwash, how it looks like in the morning, my mom's BBQ chicken wings, sincere gestures, how light gets filtered in this room thanks to the blinds, when we kid around and your grasp on mine lingers, Ice Ligo, listening to songs that are in sync with whatever I'm feeling, pillow talks, holiday plans, pleasant surprises, the long car rides with you.

I dislike a lot of things - dumb romcom movies yang sik menjadi, strangers who invade my space and are practically inches away from my face just to say "Hello!", chicken parts - breast, when someone ruin my sunny side up egg (putus kawan!), creepy crawlies, toilets with no bidets (side eyes Singapore), packing and unpacking, the headache you get when you take a nap during Maghrib, not being able to sleep last night.

I am a hopeful (yes!) pessimist. I preach on how we should always look on the brighter side of things when all I do is look at the worst that might happen. You have no idea how many times Joe has pointed this out to me.

"Chamon, you always think of it that way!" said an exasperated Joe Jr. for the umpteenth time. Hehe.

But I still hope for hope.

For someone who once claimed to be an avid reader, I haven't picked up a book since last year. Unless you consider a journal a book. Oh man, I miss Fugro.

Throughout my whole life, I was my worst in 2005.

I hate Labuan with a passion.

I was broken, then patched up and now I'm alone.

No one has had the chance to see me at my best yet. There was a brief moment here and there but nothing permanent.

For that, I pray for longevity - for myself, for my family, friends and you.

Honest to God, these days, I only pray for TWO things. Always the same two words and a name.

I am running out of things to say and I know that it won't be a brilliant idea to stay at home tonight.

You have to know that I tried to make this a random list. At least I tried.

So.

Selamat hari Khamis. Selamat makan. Selamat-selamat selalu.

For the world and the worlds beyond it!

"Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes."

By: Rosemarie Urquico

The rest of it here.

Amin.

"Selagi kita berbuat baik, kita akan menerima yang lebih baik. One day someone will walk into your life and make you realise why it never happened with others. Rasa berserah ini cantik sebenarnya. Bukakan mata buka hati dan minta. Minta dengan Dia banyak banyak. Minta supaya ditemukan dengan orang yang lebih baik, minta dihilangkan rasa sakit, minta dibukakan hati untuk terima apa apa, minta-

Dulu, guru mengajiku pernah mengajarkan, bahawa pertemuan dengan seseorang mengandung rahasia Tuhan. Maka, pertemuan sesungguhnya adalah nasib. Orang tak hanya bertemu begitu saja, pasti ada sesuatu di balik itu.

Semoga hati hati yang telah pecah ini dicantum kembali. Semoga menjadi lebih gagah menanggung, dan lebih sudi menerima. Dan semoga- yang akan datang adalah yang terbaik untuk kita. Amin."

- Ika S.

(Hope you don't mind, Ika!)