Tanda.

Birthday Dinner

"So Nurul, now that we've been together for a year, what do you think about us now?"

You see.. From the very beginning of our friendship, I've always insisted that I know what type of women he would go for. I thought it was quite unbelievable for a man like him to still be single at the time. Also, because I wanted to introduce him to a relative of mine whom I thought would be more than suitable for him - thankfully, I did not pursue that.

He always had this undecided look and always gave me the same answer, "I don't really have a type. Entah."

But in true Aysha's nature (heh heh), I insisted, "I knowww your type." Further describing small, petite girls, skin as fair as snow, soft-spoken yada-yada, in short, everything that is the opposite of myself. Tak lah, katanya.

So that night, sitting opposite from him, enjoying our dinner on his birthday, mouth full of kway teow, and I couldn't answer his question, so he went ahead with this, "Okay, I'll be sincere. I never had a type before. But the more I know you, the more I realise that my type is You."

I couldn't top that so I just blushed and sat there like an idiot.

Red faced, chinky grin, with mouth full of kway teow.

So. Attractive.

The Thingy


On the 1st of July, this took place -

(apparently, he likes my 'idiot' face so much he brought 11 ((or 14?)) rombongan kereta, awwh!)

I was quite relaxed but when I started to become nervous, I was a total wreck.

My girlfriends came to prep me up and it was chaos in the 'preparation room'. I wanted to poop halfway through make up but Feena won't let me!

"Nanti kau berak, kau peluh!"

Fine, so I didn't poop (It shall have its vengeance, I thought!) ((I shall stop talking about poop)). And then another two girls arrived and oh boy did they eye me intently! Even gang-ed up with Feena to argue with me. And then the other two arrived. I was scolded so much I thought for awhile I was surrounded by moms. On their period.

Apparently, I'm difficult to put make up on. Okay, so that might be true. Fine. It may be true.

"Aysha, jangan gerak!!"
"Nanti aku cucuk kepala kau!"
"Pink lagi cantik.."
"Ye lah, pink lagi sesuai!"
"Skirt ko jarang, Aysha! Takde skirt dalam ke?"
"Nampak sangat spender dia.."
"Habis tu ko nak pakai leggings aku tak?"
"Leggings lagi ketara.."
"Oh takpe, nasib baik baju dia panjang, cover bontot!"
"Aku dari hari tu marah dia suruh dia pakai rantai ke apa dia degil, tak nak!"
"Tali bra ko nampak, Sha!"
"Eh boleh bukak tali dia macam tu je??"
"Kecik nya.."
"Eee jelesnya aku dia punya kecik!"
"Ko punya tak la besar sangat."
"Eh besarr!"
"Tapak kaki kau kotor!"
"Basuh cepat!!"
"Lap guna tissue!"
"Aku basahkan tissue dulu!"
"Ada orang dalam toilet!!"

So, not only did I not get to poop, I also didn't get to wash my feet.

I was trembling so much when I held out my hand to his mother. In my defence, no one has ever put a ring on my finger in such a way and with so many spectators. Menggelupur much, Sha?

It was quick. Done in a matter of minutes. And now, we are engaged to be wedded. How awesome is that?

Truthfully, I've never worn a ring for any longer than a few minutes. I feel so over the top conscious with my ring finger now that I think it's all everyone sees. Please! I have the whole arm attached to it too!


We went out on a date the day after. He was driving. We were both quiet, content. And then out of nowhere-

"Nurul, now that we're engaged.." Dup dap, dup dap, ".. can I finally fart in fr-"

"No!"

"But we're engageddddd!!!"

"NO!!!!!!!!!!"

Sheeeeshhhhhh. Don't know how much longer can I deny this request, though. Must.. Stay.... STRONG!

24-

 

Driving passed Ipoh to attend a friend's wedding in Kulim.

The newlyweds! (who got hitched on Christmas day!)

We attended the wedding despite our supir (who had koyok on his forehead all throughout the journey)  suffering from an unusually high fever, and was the ONLY person shivering at the majlis. We had to leave the wedding early (because no one was willing to carry him to the car if he were to collapse) and had a good day's rest...

before said supir decided to go to Penang in the evening! But then I became the 'supir' so sick supir can sit in the passenger seat and enjoy the view and instruct me while I drive his car..

"Nurul, slow down..."

"You take the right lane.."

"70 okay.."

And I was so worried and careful driving his car that I couldn't enjoy the sights in Penang! All the impressive night lights.. I think he did it on purpose. Booooo..

The view from my room in Tune Hotel, Kulim!

I'm turning into my father - taking random shots of places I've been to thinking how it would be different when I come back for a visit in the future. : s

Our party of four returned to KL the day after.. and after days of vehemently protesting to him how I don't easily get infected with sickness... I did. : (

And it extended until my birthday! (And until our trip to KK but more on that later!)

He made a star cutout for my birthday card and not only drew a pretty little star on the front, also red scattering ones inside. : )

And then had the gall to tell me to get rid of it because he thinks it's 'ugly'. Pssh. What does he know? He he he.

Birthday All Star!

"Lots of love from me and lots of stars for you." Kata si pembawa virus.

But it's a virus I willingly got myself infected with. : ) 

.

..

...

Awwwh! If that line doesn't make you want to bring me to Aquaria this instance, I don't know what will!

We flew to KK the day after, but because both were still heavily relying on our combined power of meds, we were sweating everywhere and I had to constantly eat to avoid gastric attack! Not to forget our incessant coughing! 

We could only manage very little sightseeing in one day in KK. And had to force ourselves out of bed for new year's dinner.. eating this-

NOT. Heh heh.

We must've left our diseases in KK.. 

because when we arrive in Miri the next day, we were completely cured from our fever!

Muahahahaha sucks to be you, KK.

Hullo, Miri!

In Miri, we busted all known moves with Kinect! There's even a video of us dancing like the attractive pair that we are in my living room. YEAAAH. Of course! That video shall not see the light of day unless I need to blackmail him..

SO YOU BETTER BRING ME TO AQUARIA SOON!!! >: )

Hullo Brunei!

We had our way with the marvelous sushi at Excapade the next day. It's not that we don't have sushi in Miri buttttttt this sushi kicks royal ass! It was worth every buckeroo!

Tengah cakap dengan waitress pun mata tak lepas tengok camera, BOLEH AJE. Heh heh heh!

Check out Birthday Frogskins! Teehee!

Grand Old Lady in Miri.

Some silly hand shadows of a chicken during our flight to Miri.

And something that's supposed to look like.. something.

Yeap, I've been busy. Anyway, December is over now. And everyone is back in the loving arms of their respective offices. I'm 24. I have a new house in Setia Alam. It's quite far away from everything else. I'm a little homesick (okay fine - A LOT). But not for long, I hope.

I welcome my new age with open arms, no trashing around or struggling, no delusional thinking of staying 23, I am surprisingly at peace with turning a year older! And I'm way too excited with what life has to offer for me at this stage now.

Happiest birthday to me. May I be wiser with the choices I make, may I be happier than I've ever been thus far, and may I always, always be better than I was before and may this year be even better for me. Amin, InsyaAllah.

Here's to 2012! I'M 24. Huzzah! 

What's for dinner?

Let's play a game - try and match three ladies;

• A 20 year old, who just recently got engaged and is going to get married next year.
• A 27 year old who's been working for 3 or 4 years, single*, and at a ripe age to get married.
• A 23 year old who just started working and is not qualified to even gatal to think about the M word.

.. and what they were going to have for dinner after a long day at work.

• Indomie Maggi.
• Koko Krunch with fresh milk.
• Ayam masak merah, sayur kacang with mushroom.

Go on!

* single = no ring on her finger.

P.s. Today kena buli sebab sik reti bancuh kopi kalau bukan 3 in 1. But but I know how to make Teh Tarik now! Pssh, Teh Tarik?? Apa jak lah.. *SMUG*

Girly post.

I may not be the most feminine lady out there, but doggamit, I love getting my hair done. And if you must now, I have this little (figurative) itch that comes to visit every fortnight or so urging me to do something about my hair. 

Walked into this quaint (but with taste!) hair salon at the mall for some hair treatment today. I've always preferred a more personal hair salon because stylists at more well-known salons freak me out. Why won't they smile? I scared.. : (

I need to trust someone who is going to handle my hair and I'm surely not going to find comfort with a brooding lady with scissors in her hand. Did you not get enough sleep! (thought of another verb but it can and WILL be used against me so..) 

I was shown to my seat and this young man of about 30 of age tended to my hair. He was all smiles, and that made me feel all warm inside. : ) 

Found out later that he was mute. So there we were, content with the silence except for the background music from the mall. Wouldn't say his shampooing was perfect, I could do with a little less tugging but that's partly my fault for not brushing my hair often. Heh! 

I have already favourite-d the salon. How can I not?

The people were appropriately friendly (+100).
They weren't noisy (which is a surprise coming from a very noisy chick like moi).
And my hair turned out awesome (never let some hungover shemale do your hair early in the morning).
And they have this massage chair for me while they wash my hair (WIN)!

By the end of the hair treatment did I only get to see my real hair length (which is super long) and hair style (which I am still undecided with).

Takoyaki at Sushi King

It was okay. Edible but nothing like the ones I had in City Square which was so scrumptious I could finish the whole thing AND the polystyrene container it came with!

It is thaaaaat nice! The takoyaki, not the polystyrene - it could do with a little soy sauce and maybe mayo.. I'm kidding! I'm kidding!

Salmon 'Bleurgh' Teriyaki

Dry and overcooked. No more, I say, NO MORE!! *slams table*

Heh heh. This should suffice for my sushi cravings for now.

Because you don't get to see my hair this neat that often!

Kak Zu, a colleague from work, would be proud of me! She's always saying how I should comb my hair or tie it up nicely. She even founded this SSGP First Lady Club and jokingly told me that our first agenda would be Grooming and that she wants to have a make-over for me (because I hardly wear make up). Even jokingly said it'd be just like the one Ugly Betty had!

Hey. I'm not ugly! I'm just... Lazy.

Also, I spend most of my time at the site in some plantation somewhere! 

Okay, mostly because I'm lazy. Sigh. When can I truly be a lady!

How To Win My Heart 101-

Be a dear and get to know me well enough to know what I'm absolutely MAD about.

.. and whether it would fit me perfectly.

And my heart shall be all yours..

Nahhh.. Not that easy! Mimpi you! .. Is what I would've said if it weren't for the fact that it is already his?

Ah, well. ACCIO YOU.

Enamoured,

Starbright.

Pesan.

"Take care. Kasut ikat ketat-ketat. Helmet and jacket kena sentiasa on. Safety first, even if you're in Petronas site, anak Shell have to follow the 12 rules anywhere and everywhere."

Baik, abang!

Not entirely everything in the message.. but that's for me to know and for you to.. find out on your own?

Pssh! Babbling. I'll shut up now.

Hahahahaha who am I kidding? Just to share something that happened yesterday.

There I was yakking on about my watch when Nur interrupted me, "What year were you born under?"

"Eh? (born under?) Erm.. 1987?" Orang sik habis cerita lagik!

"I mean, for Chinese Zodiac."

"Oh! Rabbit!"

"No wonder you talk a lot." She said, matter-of-factly.

What. Whaaat? WHUUUT!!

So she interrupted my very interesting story how I lost the steel watch I got as a birthday present from my father to some whore who stole my bag from me when I was performing Maghrib prayer at Pavilion surau at B2 on the day that I wanted to watch my husband-to-be on screen (ahem THOR ahem!) with.. that!?

No, really. It's a really interesting story. There I was, as composed as I could in the Security Room with this dude, when suddenly that same dude reminded me, "iPod Touch you?"

Zoom in on air mata berjujuran di pipi right there and then!

See? Best kan cerita orang? Don't lie! Berdosa! Nanti Tuhan potong lidah!

Okay now I shut up.

Oh one last thing.

Nur now introduces me to everyone as, "Ni Aysha. Dia memang macam ni, she likes to talk a lot."

Oh wow. I couldn't possibly be that bad, can I?

Oh and another thing.

Rinduuuuuuuuuu..

Shuddup. Shuddup. Shuddup.

P.s. Aren't rabbits supposed to be mute?

P.p.s. Three glasses of white coffee today. This could be the caffeine talking.

One way ticket.

It is already the second half of 2011,

And I have already ended and started three things.

1 - My two month internship with Fugro Geodetic - if I could just begin to tell you how I regret not writing anything about it, I would.

The long walks during lunch, the friendly welcome, my cowboy boots, the long chats with bosses in the pantry, badminton on Mondays, karaoke nights, my spoiled punch card (which I still keep!), the movies we watched together, the times when they went for a smoke and being the ever concern intern - I tagged along, Friday prayers, after office-hour activities, not forgetting, "Chewing gum, mana, chewing gum??"

Too many to even begin properly!

2 - This temp thing I'm currently doing - to which I will submit my resignation letter today.

3 - And one other thing. :-)

By the end of this month-

I would have already had five job interviews - one that will take place this 14th, one walk-in, one with a recruit agency consultant, one with their client, and the last one being the one I would be reporting for duty on the 25th this month.

By the end of July, I would be back in Miri with a one-way ticket.

By the end of it too, I am going to tear my heart apart missing everything about this city (yes, I will return), its concrete charm and most importantly and utmost crucially - you.

By the end of all this,

I hope for a list of magical things to appear out of thin air and that my sanity would still be intact.

I pray we would still happy, and most of all, I pray for a stronger vessel of a body to carry my heavy heart from this side all the way to the other side of the country.

Two weeks from now? Four months of something? And an eternity of blessed happiness - Amin!

*Written in the LRT on my way to work and completed 12 hours later.

A Star in need.

I am not everyone's pick.

I am not overweight, nor am I the perfect build.

I don't wear hijab - so I kalah in that category. But there are thousands and thousands of prettier hijabless girls here. Pssh, KL! So I kalah in that category too.

My posture is terrible in photos taken from an angle, something I developed in secondary school. I'd like to think my long hair does a good job in covering my slouched shoulders.

You know you mean something to me,

if I make time for you,

if I had gone out of the way to help you,

if I willingly let my ego bruised for you.

If there is one thing I take after my father, it's that - my mountains of ego. I am, after all, my father's daughter.

I am the girl you'd share a dirty joke you just heard from another friend with. Also the same person you'd turn to for advices regarding anything, especially when it comes to feelings - I am that friend.

But I hardly take my own advice. I'm hard-headed (hah!). I want what I think I know I need.

I am that friend who is protective over my own friends. I am most judgmental because of it but I make an exception for my former boyfriend's new lady friend, simply because I trust his judgment. And he has not given me any reasons not to. I don't care whether he'll be okay with this but I really do believe she is lucky to have him as her first boyfriend. I've trained you well, my young Padawan!

I laugh the loudest most of the time, because of a combination of several things - it's that hilarious, it comes naturally and I was happy. Sometimes I laugh when I'm not so happy to convince myself that I am. When I know very well that I'm bothered. And that is sad.

There is a guitar in my room now. I'm not that good, but I am better than many of those strumming chicks on Youtube.

I think I'm weird in a normal way. I wish I am special, all the time. "I want a perfect body, I want a perfect soul."

For fun, I skip instead of walk sometimes. When I'm alone. Even when there are other people. Come to think of it, I did that in the office a few times. But especially at home.

Lately, I have been slowly clearing some space in my computer, in my blog (by adding more to another blog?).

Funny story - I started blogging to share nonsensical things with friends - feelings, food, music. I still do but after some time, I realise I'm more motivated to blog when I'm really happy and even more when I'm sad. But mostly, I blog to remind myself whatever happens in the future, I can be sure that that took place.

I blog about the conversations I have with people all the time mainly because I'm forgetful and I think those conversations are worthy of a revisit from future me. Wait, that wasn't funny at all.

True story - I have not been loyal to this blog.

I'm 23 years and 5 months old and I think about the M word. Not because I want to get M-ed now (can't even say the whole word). Not because of peer pressure, definitely not because of aunts I meet at weddings who try to matchmake me with their sons (seriously?). But because.. I want someone for life. Ugh. Shoot me now.

I like.. A lot of things. Not in order - Ferrero Rocher, sci-fi movies, staying in doing nothing with a special company, Milo ice cream (20 sen!), a warm hug from a dear friend, how my locks look like the day after I got a hairwash, how it looks like in the morning, my mom's BBQ chicken wings, sincere gestures, how light gets filtered in this room thanks to the blinds, when we kid around and your grasp on mine lingers, Ice Ligo, listening to songs that are in sync with whatever I'm feeling, pillow talks, holiday plans, pleasant surprises, the long car rides with you.

I dislike a lot of things - dumb romcom movies yang sik menjadi, strangers who invade my space and are practically inches away from my face just to say "Hello!", chicken parts - breast, when someone ruin my sunny side up egg (putus kawan!), creepy crawlies, toilets with no bidets (side eyes Singapore), packing and unpacking, the headache you get when you take a nap during Maghrib, not being able to sleep last night.

I am a hopeful (yes!) pessimist. I preach on how we should always look on the brighter side of things when all I do is look at the worst that might happen. You have no idea how many times Joe has pointed this out to me.

"Chamon, you always think of it that way!" said an exasperated Joe Jr. for the umpteenth time. Hehe.

But I still hope for hope.

For someone who once claimed to be an avid reader, I haven't picked up a book since last year. Unless you consider a journal a book. Oh man, I miss Fugro.

Throughout my whole life, I was my worst in 2005.

I hate Labuan with a passion.

I was broken, then patched up and now I'm alone.

No one has had the chance to see me at my best yet. There was a brief moment here and there but nothing permanent.

For that, I pray for longevity - for myself, for my family, friends and you.

Honest to God, these days, I only pray for TWO things. Always the same two words and a name.

I am running out of things to say and I know that it won't be a brilliant idea to stay at home tonight.

You have to know that I tried to make this a random list. At least I tried.

So.

Selamat hari Khamis. Selamat makan. Selamat-selamat selalu.

Childhood obsession.

#Fact - when I was little, I was a huge fan of R.L. Stine's Fear Street books. Since I was too much of a dreamer in school to concentrate in class, R.L. Stine pretty much taught me Beginner English - which explains my repetitive usage of certain words, sometimes.

I remember how I wished the world will never run out of Fear Street books for me to read and how I was rewarded with these books for every A and on every birthday.

Every week I'd count all my collections on my book rack - 40 or so in a duration of three years. Now it's less than 30, no thanks to cousins who borrowed because their parents insist it'll be a good way for them to learn English. Until today, I don't think they've learnt a thing from it.

I've been feeling a bit under the weather these past few days and still, nothing is as comforting as reading the books I've probably read more than 10 times in this lifetime.

They're cheesy as hell and I'm sure it didn't require R.L. Stine to think too much to write it but I was 9 so excuse my taste!

Hair is aching for a wash now. Have a great week ahead, folks! Remember, sore losers are never attractive.

*edited*

P.s. BlogPress sucks.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

For the good of the team.

"So, how long have you and Joe been together? Hmm. So it's been almost 3 years since you rampas boyfriend orang ha?"

Mulut Uzair nang mintak cabik.

(Like all boyfriend poachers would say) I didn't steal him from anyone, he came to me! No surprises there, really. I understand some concerns regarding this matter but I have my own reasonings,

1 - They WEREN'T married. It wasn't like they're about to, too. And my best friend, Alau, who is a umm.. senior (he he) in this matter, assured me this.

2 - There may be times when both of them were good together in the past, but when Joe left her, it wasn't the same case anymore.

3 - While there's no promise that Joe and I will be together forevah, both of us and in fact, many others have openly admitted to us being a better pair, for now.

4 - Joe deserves to be with a better person. No, scratch that. He deserves The Very Best. *flexes muscles*

So, why would you stay with someone just because of the sole reason that you met them first when you're better off with someone else, whom you met later?

Why would you stay in a miserable relationship just because you've been with the same person for more than 4 years? Shouldn't relationships be much, much more than just keeping tabs on how many years you've been together?

If your boyfriend wants to leave you for another person, would that same boyfriend be worth fighting over? Why? He didn't seem to bother to do the same for you. Don't listen to the overrated Cheryl Cole. Last name pun 'Cole'. Never trust someone with a horrible ink job.

I know all of these may seem like excuses for me to be with someone else's boyfriend at the time but I've been through the same thing where my ex wanted to leave me for another girl. I fought for it. I won. But staying in the relationship after was useless because I can never forget what he did, nor can I ever fully forgive him for that. The break up was bad. Take my advice, if someone wants to leave you for another, let them. I wish I did.

I've yakked a lot about my boyfriend and it's safe to deduce that we compliment each other very well in so many matters.

These rules however do not apply to married couple. Never, ever try to steal a married man/woman. That is wrong in so many levels and you will forever be reminded by that. And I assure you, it is certainly nothing to be proud of.

Just in case you don't get it, #4 is a joke. Obviously, I kick asses for a living.

Resolution, schmesolution.

Me : Do you have a new year's resolution?

Uzair : No.

Me : Why not!

Uzair : Okay, to lose weight.

Me : Ew! What are you? A 16 year old girl??

2010 is coming to an end in approximately three weeks. This year's resolution was to hug as many people as I can and drink more than just a glass of water per day.

Think I've fared well. I've hugged at least 15 individuals, and any number is an improvement from last year's, really. Come to think about it, why haven't I started sooner? I'm surrounded by very hug-worthy people! I've also yielded to sickness a few times this year, developed an allergy towards dust out of nowhere and therefore had to drink lots and lots of water - my boyfriend's advice to any illnesses, I swear.

My 2011's resolution is to,

take better care of my skin by practising the three basic steps - cleansing, toning, and moisturising

&

to think more before I speak.

Keeping another one private. And no, it's not to lose 10 kgs by 2012!

Thought I throw in John's picture seeing how I'll be seeing him in.... 4 days!

*blows vuvuzela and throws confettis!*

12.

For kids who only managed to score 3As, don't be disheartened. There's still a long way to go. The amount of As you scored in UPSR won't be displayed in your CV, but the next steps you take will ensure you what will.

There are many ways to get there, different routes. Mine happened to be being around the people I was with during secondary school. So, chill. And enjoy being 12 year olds with no worries of having to finish thesis in order to complete your Bachelor's Degree, while you still can! And buy a bucket or two when you finally reach that part of your life!

GOOD LUCK.

It took a shine to me.

My laptop, Leon, died on me few days ago. Another startup repair I don't wish to talk about or experience any time in the future ever again. Decided that it must be a problem with Vista and had a dear friend reformat my laptop for me, which is now installed with Windows 7 instead of crappy Vista. Can I hear a hallelujah?! (Kidding)

So now I'm seeing darling Leon in a refreshing new light, complete with Google Chrome. Which I love! Has always been a Firefox user but my hero installed Google Chrome instead. I'm a creature of comfort so initially, I was hesitant on giving it a try, afraid that I might fall head over heels with it... And now, I have.

I love the minimalistic feel to the browser, it isn't scattered unlike Firefox. I love how it fully utilizes the space on my laptop screen - the utmost important feature I hold dearest to my heart.

I didn't know it was even possible for me to love Leon more, but I really do. All thanks to my hero of the day.

A screencap from my own Twitter timeline. : )

Size matters.

"Lemme tell you what I'm going to do. I'm gonna take my shower. Fold my clothes I tried on this morning but ended up not wearing. And.." Was my tweet an hour ago.

This is what I ended up doing.


The back says, ".. water!"

It was a RM5 XX(tremely)L t-shirt I bought from a night market not too long ago. I wear it to sleep because it's so long that it almost reaches the horizon of the scars that is permanently etched on my knees. And I hate having to look for a paira pants when I'm ready to retire for the night! Random - one of the scars amazingly resembles the outline of Borneo island in the world map.

No, you shouldn't be scared at how much I appreciate a sharp pair of scissors! Wish I have one mean gleaming pair of snippers custom made for me. Wouldn't that be bitchin'?

Fail monologue.

I'd like to put a disclaimer to claim (aiseh so long since my last update now I can't come up with something better, soon will start claiming (<-1) everything is love i.e. Roti John is looooooovve!) that I am absolutely sane, albeit with a tiny hint of bizarreness.

I, for one, love to have monologues especially in the car, for such reason that there are no chances of other people eavesdropping on me having a conversation with myself. Also, I'm very hard-headed, therefore most of the time, I always think I'm right and that I'm never biased, thus whatever my say is, it's the most important point, to me. In my land of bengkeng-ness (hardheadedness in my dialect), yours don't matter.

I would raise various subjects from a serious topic like the importance of being able to conduct a speech in English, to something personal like how I met my boyfriend and the many things I like about him, to something random about me like what I think about the colour red and how it looks like against my skin tone.

More often than not, these monologues go on and on for a good 30 minutes. You bet your butt I love doing it especially when the topic is something that I am a master in, myself! Don't go pretending you don't take a schmancy out of it too! What do you think Formspring is for? It's like a personal ego live-bait.

In my defense, this helps me in improving my communication skills. I think of it as a self-speech lesson. I stutter a lot, all thanks to me blabbering with the speed of a bullet train thus leading me to trip on my own words all the time. Sometimes, on a lucky day, what I stammer comes out as a mumble that sounds vaguely familiar like that of an Ewok - completely incomprehensible, but on other days, it sounds close to what I mean but not totally it. Just the other day instead of Google I said, "I'll gogol it later." POOF! Laughing stock, man.

So last Friday, one of my favourite bands, which I personally think is the best musical act from the local industry, Sevencollar T-Shirt held their very own The Battle Protocol at KLPac. My boyfriend went with his bandmates and Uzair the braggart, well, did his part in it too. So these people were there relishing every particle of genius the Sevencollar T-Shirt are while I was already home in Miri. Boo-fuckin'-hoo! Right, I know.

No surprises that it became the topic for my monologue that day.

I started with a line inside my head, of someone asking me what I think about the band, which most people call Sevencollar, for short.

I answered, in pure enthusiasm of a fan girl, "Sevencollar is the BEST t-shirt ever!"

Pause.

Facepalm.

Game face.

They say a lot of things to you.

Don't wear stripes, it'll make your body appear wider!
What is that on you? A night gown?
Silver looks classier than bronze.
Your jeans, they look filthy.
What is that *thing* you have on you?

Sometimes, they'd just point at you and laugh. I believe there's a choice to everything you want to do. Most of the time, I choose to ignore these comments, because I know what I know and I believe in what I believe in.

I know that they are overweight, and they are insecure of someone who weigh less than they do. I know that they're less attractive than I am (if no one else agrees with you, then dammit, you better invest in some faith in yourself!) even when their number at the end of the scale is way closer to 40 than what mine shows. I know that the people they fall for has on the ugliest pair of tee (when basic would do them million times better why oh why) paired with the most unflattering pair of minis, because the people you fall for depicts your personal taste. I know that I lied when I say their tops or dresses or shoes are cute when the word I had in mind is typical. I know that under all that talk, they are nothing.

I believe that before you start working on other people, you should start with yourself. A few comments here and there are inevitable, of course.

But, I'm not that hard headed all the time. Sometimes, I listen. Given that their comments are substantial or I've asked for their opinion. From all week of pestering friends to the same bloody question,


.. I've decided to keep my bangs longer.

*WHOOSH goes the motivational self-empowerment speech out the window*

So, tell me, how do you work a stubborn bangs backwards?


P.s. I am very critical towards many things and I enjoy seeing you try to be one on me.

Sting.

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My fingers, the phalanges under the skin, don't extend as far as I wish them to be. They are just nice - not the type of fingers you would straight away notice to be too short like those attached to the mythical creatures you see in Lord of The Rings, nor too long to be humanely possible, too. Many have said, they like the shape of my nails but I like to keep them short, regardless of whether I'm going to spend some time on my guitar or not. Instead of slender womanly fingers you impregnate your mind to picture on the hands of your future bride, mine are stubby and more often than not, has some markings of a pen or something, anything on it. Even from my Chocolate Cream Chip, right in the ridges between the nail and the flesh embracing it.

I struggle with chords that requires the tip of my fingers to be on four consecutive frets, but unless they are amputated or badly deformed from some horrendous accident, I refuse to accept any excuse from myself. So, I spent many days practicing on songs that used to be so hard for me to play. If I can't today, I'll pick it up some other day.

See, I'm obsessed with this one song. I've looked up the chords on the Internet and I've found one but it's not in the arrangement that I wanted. The song is so beautiful, just strumming up and down repetitively wouldn't capture the haunting essence the song has managed to arrest me in. And I'm a bad strummer. I can't strum using my thumb because I have always had this issue with my nails. Until I find out the correct way to do that, nobody else touches my nails aside from me. And to strum using a pick is just so frustratingly hideous. The sound of it slapping the strings annoys me. So, I've decided to play it by plucking.

I started making my own. I failed at my first try. I gave in and decided that it's one of those songs that I just wish I can play on the guitar but can't. But, from the look of the tips of my fingers and the break in the middle of my index finger from pressing down on major chords, this song has proven to be even harder to forget than it was to play. Sure, it doesn't look as bad as you think, I stopped before it becomes a cut. I've positioned my capo on all frets but I can't seem to find the right key that I want it to be in. I could give it all up, but I refuse to. I know the song will come back to haunt me in no time. I could ask for help, but I think it would feed my satisfaction more if I were to figure it all out by myself.

If I ever finish this quest, I'll show you.

Bukan tak suka.

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I'm really flattered to be on the receiving end of, Kau dah kurus lah! or Aku tak kenal dah! or Lain gila lah rupa kau! But really, I've still got my tums cleverly hidden under my top. And the statement, 'Lain gila rupa kau, aku tak kenal' tu sebab kau menyombongkan diri lama tak jumpa aku, dengar tu Nurulfidzillah?

Nevertheless, I've not been eating as much as I used to so that must be contributing to some weight loss lah. Also the food poisoning I had during holiday. I've managed to steer away from the likes of butterprawn, steamed fish, or any seafood dishes ever since.

Last semester, my diet consisted of four regular sets of pizzas in a day, with the aid of my beloved boyfriend, Nando's quarter chicken with two sidelines and chicken liver blahblah, Mickey Dees meal, and lots more. That type of diet is not only hazourdous to my health (haha health haha) but more importantly, is very costly!



Sekali makan RM20! Tamak! Sekarang dah sedar.

Also sebab sekarang duduk dengan kakak dan abang ipar yang sentiasa diet tapi diorang tak kurus-kurus, so kena makan brown rice yang tak ada or kurang kanji, kitchen is stocked with the likes of salad (boo!) and olive oil (no kidding!). Aku ada nama baru kat rumah tu. Tikus. Sebab malam-malam korek peti ais sebab tak boleh keluar makan Nasi Lemak Babi macam dulu! The brown rice is really working marvelously for me sebab buat aku berak. Aku jenis susah berak. Dah berak, jadi kurang buncit lah. Eh, maksudnya sebelum ni perut aku ni memang banyak taik lah ye?

Tapi faktor paling penting adalah no reliable internet connection at home. Really, how many times do I have to say how much of an internet slut I am? So, my weekly allowance now goes to Starbucks because then, I can sit here for as long as I want and go online. And this lead to duit makanan lebih lebih kena control sebab satu gelas RM10+. And kalau dah online lama-lama, perasaan tamak muncul dan nak macam macam e.g. sandwich, roti omelette etc. But for a breezy internet connection, it's worth every homepage I can open on my Internet Browser.

I am now a regular here at Starbucks, Jaya 3 Dua. I come here every other day, most of the time on my own.

I am a slave to the internet, I tells ya.

So yes, I appreciate your observation on the fluctuation of my weight. And memang lah dah kurus sikit tapi tak payah lah nak bising satu Klompe cakap, "Sumpah aku tak kenal kau dari belakang! Rambut pun lain! Ko kurus aku tak kenal dah!" kaaaaaaaan. Dah lah cakap kuat-kuat Abang Azhan, penjaga Klompe, boleh dengar! Nanti dia cakap, "Kurus mende??" Sebab dia dengan bini dia kan cekeding.

Abang Azhan + bini = Aku
Abang Azhan + bini + aku = Anip

He he he he he.

Pulak tu, dah kali ketiga kot jumpa! Lepas tu ada pulak junior tu sibuk nak mencelah "Ha kau nampak lain gila sekarang!" Siapa bagi kau kebenaran nak tegur berat aku ha budak? Okay, gurau.

Tak nak lagi dengar soalan, "Kau diet ke?" sebab kalau aku jawab tak, korang sambung, "Tipu! Kau mesti diet kan!" Buat penat aku je jawab jujur. Blah lah kau, Fidz!

Fidz jugak yang kena muahahahahahahaha.

This post is meant for my uni friends, obviously. Sebab lama tak jumpa semua sekali rindu nak borak borak taik dan saling meniru ujian bersama. Sob sob.

Bro-ther bother.

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I'm far from being a tech geek but this laptop my brother has just acquired in his hands for his list of things he should splurge on before he takes a ride on a big wave of responsibility called Marriage is the fucking shit, your shit can't possible be any sweeter.

The keyboard, by your preferences, emits colours of the rainbow, an illuminating alien's head on the front, and speakers that resembles the front of a car. That got me sold. Yea, yea it's a powerful gaming laptop, boasts blazing-fast graphics, and Hi-def capabilities.. but what did I say about me not being a tech geek? My only half-question pertaining to its real greatness was, "Mesti best kan mun main Sims dalam tok?" My brother grinned and kept his wide glittery eyed filled with a boy's buzzin' excitement with his new toy, in check and simply muttered, "Of course."

Seriously, my brother can do no wrong in my eyes. He's nearing his 30th birthday, still single, and works overtime ALL the time. Among my other siblings, we are the ones who are the most alike. We like to read, whereas the other two sisters prefers pretty illustrations inside a book. We enjoy the same shows on the telly, celik video game (my elder sister struggles with a joystick), we are both interested in playing the guitar, we don't look to be in the limelight (compared to the other two - one is a has-been It girl in town, the other is catching up), and many more. I think I take more of my father than he does, though. Where he is more open to our family, I clam up at their approach.

So, that could explain my biasness in the aforementioned statement. He's still single, I can only guess, not by his choice. He doesn't push away opportunities of being involve with ladies, nor does he scours this land desperately looking for one.

And if I were to pick a probable candidate, it would be quite a job. I can't give much a toss about how she must look like. She has to be able to understand his jokes, 'cos my brother's funnybone takes about a quarter of his body. She has to be understanding of my brother's obsession with Star Wars and Star Trek and Avatar and just anything Sci-Fi. If there were to marry, she cannot defy my brother's request to name their daughter Leia and their son Luke. Or Vader. Or instead of Muhamad or Abdul, it's Darth. Okay, so that is negotiable! She also needs to be able to communicate well in English. Not excellent, but definitely not dumb too. For example, when he asks, "What do you do for a living?" And you respond with, "Apa tu?" EKKK! You're disqualified. You can't be a malevolent bitch, too. You see, my brother is in no way a cut throat person. He makes the funniest sarcastic remarks but he doesn't go around putting everybody down. He never got into a fight at school, even though he was active in Karate Do during those days. He did tell me once how he went to some pub to see girls dancing on the bar swinging on poles for the fun of it and even reenacted the slutty dance, but it raised way more bars in being hilarious than it did being inappropriate. And he doesn't drink, nor does he smoke.

So, yes. That would prove to be quite a job. Not impossible, definitely.

Ever since he has started working, he has been splurging for some new toys every month. He bought an old second hand Mustang back at home for him to have some fun with. He bought all the other compulsory gadgets for young (subjective) working men, PS3 and the likes. Last Saturday, my elder sister expressed how he has been giving away so much money for things like these and his answer was the truest true. "I'm single and young and I have money, so I enjoy it before I get married." And further insisted it was all in his means.

I've had the same idea for a long time. What did I say about me and my brother being similar? I guess I'm just embracing the little sister in me when I say, when I grow a little older at his age, my ambition is to be as carefree as he is now and be able to enjoy the fruits of my labour, also to make as much money as much as he's raking in. In that order.

Godspeed!

Shameless.

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Sometimes, I give out too much information. Sometimes, I'm just shameless.

Starbucks Barista : Would you like another Chocolate Cream Chip with that?
Me : I'm still trying to finish the last one!
Starbucks Barista : Tall tu sikit je tu.
Me : Well, last time I had grande, I had to go to the toilet 8 times!

There was a 5 second delay of him maintaining his smile before I realised how shameless I was and continued with, "I usually just drink a glass of water per day, sometimes less," followed with, "He he," I was good to go.

Me : Once I peed in an empty biscuit's tin.
Boyfriend gasped.
Me : Guess how old I was? 19.

I never told anyone else that, aside from Jai on Twitter, until now. Take note that airtight biscuit's tin are not so airtight after all. We were duped into believing that it is. I'll sue you in court, Love Letter!

Me : Once I peed in my pants outside the house, next to a drain. I was 12.
The friend said something along the lines of my act being unbelievable? Or was she in awe?

In my defense, I just arrived home after a three day camp (I was a sucky girl scout) somewhere in town without a proper toilet. Public toilet near the market is not taken into account in my list of proper toilet.

Although, me answering questions pertaining to my weight couldn't possibly be something to be ashamed of, right? Even if I were to lie and say that I'm 53 kg, that's just plain manure. Lying about your weight will not make you appear any thinner. My weight fluctuates from 62 to 65 nowadays. The thinnest I've been was 55. Why do some girls refuse to say how much they weigh anyway? Mun dah gemuk, gemuk lah ya!

I know my shameless stories all involved business number one - don't get me started on two. It's 'cos I'm currently at Starbucks with Alau and had a tall cuppa Chocolate Cream Chip and it's raining heavily outside. Brr!

I may need to go to the toilet again.